Agony Aunt – Winifred

Hi Winifred, I can’t sleep because the boys’ dorm next to mine keeps me awake with constant high pitch screeching (meant to be singing, but hey hoe) and really bad guitar playing. How should I get them to shut up?

Sending them notes constantly, looking through the badly taped up keyhole and flirting under the door probably isn’t the best idea to shut them up, but keep on doing it for the lols. Winifred x

Dear Winifred, I fancy Isaac Jeorrett. What should I do?

Well, this is a very common problem here at Summer School, as his swag overload entices everyone, boys and girls. His former accomplice, Samuel Jennings, couldn’t be here this year as he’s in Boston (starts to sob wildly) so maybe you will have a chance. Our advices are flirt incessantly and speak some Welsh to make him love you. Winifred x

Hi Winifred,  my secret friend is freaking me out. They keep on giving me pieces of food and serenading me with sexy music. They are also giving me flower power lip balm and girly bracelets, and some really odd fruits. I’m a guy with an electric violin. What should I do? I’m really scared!

I think your secret friend is amazing, she sounds perfect. You should embrace her awesome presents and be happy you’ve actually been given something. Love her forever. Winifred x

Dearest Winifred, I’m married, but I think I’m in love with Margaret. Just knowing that she used to be a show girl gets me flustered.

You can look but you can’t touch. P.S. you should join the I HEART MARGARET club; we meet everyday in the playroom from 4:23–4:24. Winifred x