Category: Summer School

By Martha and Isaac Swagsters

On the first day of summer school, SSP journalists Isaac and Martha went to interview the infamous Michael Wood; much loved and greatly admired co-ordinator. (Sorry Boop you were sleeping, maybe later this week when you are awake).

START OF THE QUESTIONS YAY

Martha: So Michael, do you have sufficient swag?

Michael: Sorry what? What do I have?

Martha: SWAG MICHAEL, SWAG

Michael: ooh, swag, yes.

Isaac: And do you prefer pigeons or cats?

Michael: Well, due to the dorm situation with the pigeon pooing everywhere, and disrupting general peace in the Boys Dorms, I prefer cats, as they get rid of the pigeons. I liked that cat this morning.

Isaac: Pigeons are fat. So was the cat this morning.

Martha: What are your views on Nutmeg?

Michael: Tasty in a fondue, otherwise useless.

Martha: Who do you miss most from past Summer Schools?

Michael: Um, well, wouldn’t that be favouritism? I mean I miss every one, that’s not favouritism is it?

Isaac: No. Moving on, what’s your most memorable Activism expirence?

Michael: Oooh, can I have two? Or actually three? Because the three are probably being at the OCCUPY EVICTION, OR THE IRAQ WAR MARCH OR THE CRITICAL MASS CYCLE RIDE THING. YAY FOR YAY ACTIVISM YAY I’M SO EXCITED FOR ALL THE SUMMER SCHOOL ACTIVISM YAY YAY YAY (Michael got very excited and jumped around a bit and almost fell in the swimming pool so we calmed him down and sat him down)

Isaac: Now you’ve calmed down a bit Michael, do you like ABBA? And why?

Michael: (thinks) No I don’t like ABBA. But I love Thank you for the music, (starts singing and dancing) the songs I’m singing, thanks for all the JOY THEY’RE BRINGING WHO COULD LIVE WITHOUT IT I ASK IN ALL HONESTY WHAT COULD LIFE-(at this point Michael is dancing rather wildly, falls into the swimming pool, and proceeds to swim, still singing, fully clothed, to the side of the pool, scaring everyone else out of the pool)

We ended the conversation and walked away. Michael is our new favourite.

Hi Winifred, I can’t sleep because the boys’ dorm next to mine keeps me awake with constant high pitch screeching (meant to be singing, but hey hoe) and really bad guitar playing. How should I get them to shut up?

Sending them notes constantly, looking through the badly taped up keyhole and flirting under the door probably isn’t the best idea to shut them up, but keep on doing it for the lols. Winifred x

Dear Winifred, I fancy Isaac Jeorrett. What should I do?

Well, this is a very common problem here at Summer School, as his swag overload entices everyone, boys and girls. His former accomplice, Samuel Jennings, couldn’t be here this year as he’s in Boston (starts to sob wildly) so maybe you will have a chance. Our advices are flirt incessantly and speak some Welsh to make him love you. Winifred x

Hi Winifred,  my secret friend is freaking me out. They keep on giving me pieces of food and serenading me with sexy music. They are also giving me flower power lip balm and girly bracelets, and some really odd fruits. I’m a guy with an electric violin. What should I do? I’m really scared!

I think your secret friend is amazing, she sounds perfect. You should embrace her awesome presents and be happy you’ve actually been given something. Love her forever. Winifred x

Dearest Winifred, I’m married, but I think I’m in love with Margaret. Just knowing that she used to be a show girl gets me flustered.

You can look but you can’t touch. P.S. you should join the I HEART MARGARET club; we meet everyday in the playroom from 4:23–4:24. Winifred x

BASE GROUP 1 –Next week you will not meet your true love but you will discover a particularly attractive courgette. This courgette will take you places you have never been before! It may lead you through a forest on a train and you will meet many ruined and destroyed bears at Audley End.

BASE GROUP 2 – Tomorrow you will find a cunning young, wise frog. It may slither away from your worries and join you on your voyage to freedom.  BEWARE: a very foolish image will interrupt your whole day it may lead you to go back and rethink, “Why did I pick up that green jelly baby and not the blue one?”

BASE GROUP 3 – Well, well, well; haven’t you been a very naughty base group this summer! You’ve deceived your fellow Quakers just to win a prize. You should be ashamed of your actions; you need to take some time to realise what you have done! (sorry)

BASE GROUP 4 – If you take up a musical instrument this week, you may become a professional basketball player. If you do not, beware of contracting a disease only to be cured by the kiss of life. Boop may dance for you, but do not encourage it- she is contagious.

BASE GROUP 5 – If you look carefully, you may find that great riches await you if you learn to do handstands. However, your parents will discourage you, and try to hinder your acrobatic dreams. Do not let them! Follow your dreams, and believe in yourself.

BASE GROUP 6 – A kind, funny base group. Astrid Corry is a great influence! Have a good day everyone.

BASE GROUP 7 – Wow! Your aura is really shining today! The triangles in your life are a positive thing! Embrace them! Love the reality of your triangular friends. They are beautiful and so are you.

BASE GROUP 8 – The planetary alignment seems to be in your favour for luuuurve. If you fancy them, go for it, trust your instincts. However, throwing small snails is not recommended. Never give up; those snails will come in handy one day, just not today my chum.

BASE GROUP 9 – Do not go outside this coming week, you might be abducted by a gang of threatening alarm clocks. They will take you to their time lair and feed you numbers. However, if you are kind and Quakerly they shall not bother thee.

Maya and Martha.